An eerie red tinge washed over the cloudy sky. It was unusually red for that late in the morning. A shepherds warning, thought Sarah. But not all warnings are well grounded. There’s still hope, she thought. I may still get blue skies and sunshine, she tried to tell herself.
Her special day was upon her. It wasn’t a day she’d looked forward to, but it was something she had to deal with. Something she couldn’t avoid. The long drive gave her far too much time to think. She desperately hoped someday she could look back on the occasion with some kind of happiness. Dreaming of blue skies and forgiving hearts soothed her nerves, but Sarah feared the outcome of the day would be far less desirable.
She felt uneasy in a long black dress and high heels. Not her usual style, but under the circumstances, she considered it appropriate. She certainly wouldn’t look out of place. Her feelings would not be out of place either. Her awkward expression gave away her emotional state. Sarah was scared.
As she approached Billy, her mind flooded with negative thoughts. So much preparation had gone into the moment, yet things still didn’t feel quite right. Sarah struggled to even remember her plan, but time had run out. She took a deep breath.
“Hello, Billy. We meet again.”
The silence was haunting. Even the chirping of small birds seemed to stop at that moment, eager for Billy’s response. But there was nothing. It was not completely unexpected. Sarah took another deep breath and courageously continued.
“It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?” she said. “I’ve really missed you.” Sarah attempted to smile. “I’ve been looking forward to coming.” She knew she hadn’t, but it was something she’d promised Billy she’d do, and she wasn’t about to go back on that promise.
Her smile vanished as quickly and awkwardly as it appeared. The only sound was that of a gentle breeze, softly rustling the leaves of the surrounding trees without a worry in the world. Sarah desperately wanted to feel the same way, but she didn’t come all that way to listen to the wind. She needed so much more.
She began to slowly pace back and forth, looking at Billy then looking away, trying to ease the tension. Her expression swung from happiness to fear and back again as she carefully considered what to say next. Stay positive, she thought. With another feeble attempt at a smile, she bravely continued on.
“I was only thinking this morning about all the great times we had together. Remember that night in the boat shed? And how about the time we stayed in the mountains?”
Her approach was thin, and she knew it. The shake in her voice was obvious. Nervousness had set in. She was already questioning how long she could stay. Things weren’t quite going as expected. Sadness consumed her.
“I remember those times well, Billy,” she said with tears beginning to well in her eyes. “They’re times I’ll never forget. I’ll always treasure them. You know that’s true, don’t you?”
Billy offered no response. Sarah wiped her eyes and took another long, deep breath. She slowly sat down, trying for a more intimate approach.
“I know you’re still mad at me for what happened, and I know I was wrong.” Sarah looked to the sky. The red clouds were now black and threatening. A strong wind whistled through the trees. “I’d really like you to forgive me, Billy. It’s tearing me apart knowing you haven’t forgiven me yet.”
Sarah lowered her eyes to the ground. “I’ve said I’m sorry so many times. I just don’t know what else to do.” The emptiness was overwhelming. The ominous meaning of Billy’s response, or lack of it, hit Sarah hard. The total disappointment, after another long wait, was hard to comprehend.
Sarah couldn’t hold back her feelings any longer. Her sadness was uncontrollable. Tears rolled down her cheeks. Grasping her hands firmly together, she virtually begged for a response.
“Please, Billy. You must let me know I’m forgiven. I can’t go on like this any longer. Don’t make me leave here without an answer.” She then screamed out at the top of her voice. “YOU MUST LET ME KNOW, BILLY!”
The wind eased and rain drops began gently falling to the ground around them. They were like tears from the sky, like a subtle message from a lost sole.
Sarah stood up. She looked to the sky, then back to the ground. “You say that every year, Billy.” Sarah’s smile began to broaden. “Well, at least you’re still talking to me.”
Sarah gently placed her bouquet down on Billy’s grave. “I love you Billy, and I always will.” She slowly turned and moved away. As she walked, she looked over her shoulder and whispered. “I’ll see you next year, Billy. Hopefully you’ll have forgiven me by then. Hopefully you’ll give me blue skies and sunshine.”